


Proximity Effect

by danceswithgary



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Episode Related, M/M, Pining, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-08-26
Updated: 2008-08-26
Packaged: 2017-10-04 02:40:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danceswithgary/pseuds/danceswithgary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The top three determinants of attraction are: proximity, physical appearance and similarity. Proximity effect in psychology refers to the assumption that the more exposure to a stimulus, the more apt humans are to like it. We all know Rodney's opinion of the 'soft' sciences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Proximity Effect

"You don't get to do this, Sheppard."

John looked up at the sound of his door opening, raising one brow quizzically at his friend's growled declaration. He abandoned his desk chair to stand as Rodney advanced into the room with his broad shoulders squared and his face resolute. John raised his hands in an attempt to placate the angry man even before he knew what Rodney's problem with him was. "Rodney? What's up, buddy?"

"I've had it with you...you emotionally crippled bastard. You're not going to weasel out of it this time." A thick finger poked John in the chest, forcing him backwards despite the fact that he could have evaded it more easily than one of Teyla's sticks. He was too concerned about the deepening color of Rodney's face to think about self-defense...at least not until Rodney tried again.

Grabbing Rodney's wrist, John forced the hand with the menacing finger away from his vulnerable sternum. It was his turn to growl back, "What the _hell_ are you talking about, McKay?" John immediately began to regret his choice of defensive position when shifting Rodney's arm outward brought the two men closer together. Rodney's blue eyes dominated his face, fury and frustration darkening their hue from the color that always reminded John of an early morning sky. The scent of leather, coffee, and that unique musk that meant Rodney was nearby, teased John's nose, and he drew his lower lip inside as if testing whether he could taste Rodney as well. As he watched Rodney's pupils dilate, John knew he was in trouble.

Rodney's eyes had tracked John's every movement, and his voice caught a little as it lowered from a shout. "J...Jennifer, that's what I'm talking about. The...I...all that nonsense you keep spouting about how I'm supposed to end up with her because that's what my hologram claimed happened." When John's hand loosened, Rodney's returned to the center of John's chest, the palm flattened against the soft cotton of his black t-shirt. "I almost...I was right there, right outside her quarters, and I almost told her that I loved her."

Dropping Rodney's hand and then taking a step backward, John tilted his head in puzzlement. "But you told me that you already said something to her...you know...in those taping sessions."

Rodney closed the distance between them again. "What about you?"

The usual flippant response slipped out before John could edit it. "What about me? _I_ don't love her." Wishing he could take the words back and wipe away the hurt that flared at the back of Rodney's eyes, John backed away until he was against the wall. "Wait...I didn't...."

Rodney's lips thinned and his frown deepened. "Didn't what? Didn't mean to be an asshole? It's no secret that we're both bad at this. You'll just have to suck it up for once and try to act like an adult." He turned away from John and began to pace, his hands flapping in emphasis. "When you came back...when you returned from the future...you only told me a few things and I didn't push because there's only so much predestination I can take at one time. It was bad enough finding out I'd drowned the first.... Never mind." He paused for a moment and waved away his digression before continuing his circuit around the room. "Jennifer. You said I got together with her...after."

A weight settled in John's chest at the memory of a faded Rodney greeting him in the future, surrounded by a dead Atlantis. He'd learned so much in those short hours, some of it helpful, but most of it painful to remember. Lowering his eyes, he nodded. "Yeah, that's what you told me."

"Why did you tell me?" The question was soft, something John wasn't used to when it came to Rodney, and it forced him to abandon his contemplation of the floor for a more interesting view. Visible even across the room, the matching softness in Rodney's eyes as he stopped to repeat the question held John still in wonder. "Why did you think it was important to tell me about Jennifer?"

John tore his eyes away and shrugged, ignoring the small voice inside that protested his usual sidestepping. "You've always talked about having a family, and there was that whole thing with Katie and...I...I thought you should know it could happen."

Rodney huffed in disgust and shook his head. "That whole _thing_ with Katie was a mistake from the start. It took being locked in with her to make me realize what a bad idea it was to expect anyone to be able to put up with me and my issues. After long hours of reflection, I have to admit that it's unlikely it would be any different with Jennifer...or any other woman for that matter."

John bit his lower lip in an effort to hold back what he wanted to say. Instead, he took a deep breath and did his level best to project an earnest belief as he insisted, "It worked with Jennifer, so you're wrong. Anyway, she's your type, so that has to mean something."

"All it means is that we had no other choices left after...everything." Rodney took a step toward John, his hands floating down to rest at his sides. "I'd lost the one person I'd really wanted."

John's voice grated as he asked, "Who?"

"Types change." Rodney's fists clenched as if it were taking all he had to hold still and not frighten John away. "I mean, the introduction of new variables can change the end result. If you're not prepared for that, then you have no business in...." Rodney closed his eyes and took a deep breath, which he then released slowly as he refocused his gaze on John. "Sorry, sorry. Focus. I need to stay focused. State the facts and reach the right conclusion." He tugged at the neckline of his shirt and complained, "It's hot in here. Aren't you warm?" He tugged off his jacket and tossed it in the direction of John's chair, nodding in satisfaction when it draped over the back. "Now, where was I?"

Leaning back against the wall in his trademark slouch, John crossed his arms and allowed himself a mocking grin. "I'm not sure I could tell you after all those tangents."

"Right, right, I have it." Rodney's fingers snapped as he recalled where he'd left off. "My type changed." He began to tick off his points as he made them. "When I was hallucinating in the jumper, it was Sam, but not because she was my type. It was because I knew the person I depended on was working to save me. And when I got hit by the ascension machine, I came to you for help and, at the end, when I asked if everyone really loved me, I remember looking at you because only your answer mattered."

Rodney nodded as he began to speed up. "You came into my dreams and ended up being eaten by my whale! And, there was the time after I was stuck in that hole with Sam and Jennifer, the two women that supposedly were my ideal. I completely missed it when Jennifer was trying to hit on me, because all I wanted to do was talk to you. All the time we were down there I wanted _you_ with me, because it was your turn to save me. We take turns."

Rodney looked to John as if he was waiting for John's agreement, and John couldn't look at his eager face and deny him. He smiled and nodded slowly, agreeing, "Yeah, buddy. We save each other. We always have." He sighed and added, "Because we're _friends_."

Stepping closer, Rodney shook his head in emphatic dissent. "I changed the _future_ for you, John. I gave up my chance with Jennifer for _you_." He raised a hand to stifle John's objection before he could even begin. "When you told me about Jennifer, you never claimed that I asked you to, and I didn't because I _knew_ then what should have happened." He nodded, one of his rare smiles lighting up his eyes. "I always asked for you, John, when I was dying. No one else, just you. It seems that you're my new type."

John straightened up in surprise, his arms dropping to his sides. "Now, wait just a minute, I'm...."

"Not interested? Not gay?" Rodney snapped out his questions, confident once more. "Won't change how I feel. I've handled unrequited all my life and, even though it's not ideal, I can keep on doing that."

John had visions of Rodney bumbling his way around him as he had with Allina, Norina, and even Sam. Unrequited didn't mean Rodney would give up, it just meant things were about to get even more awkward than usual. John fully anticipated a fruit basket to be delivered shortly after Rodney left.

Squaring his shoulders, John tackled the problem head on. "Rodney, if Kate Heightmeyer was...." John winced at the memory of the woman who'd been among the original members of the Atlantis expedition. He shook off the guilt that still plagued him for his unwitting role in her death. "If she was here, Rodney, she'd probably explain that it's just a proximity effect. It's normal human behavior to fixate on the people closest to you and attribute...."

"That sounds a little too pat, Sheppard." Losing the smile again, Rodney burst out with an interruption that was sharp and all-too-expected. "Psychology 101? Or did you actually have your own discussion...." John felt a flare of panic at Rodney's expression. It was the same one he had whenever he'd solved a particularly stubborn problem. "Oh, my God! You did! You talked to her about me, discussed how you felt about me!"

"No, Rodney, it wasn't like that. I...."

Two strides and Rodney was back in John's personal space, leaning forward far enough that John could sense the warmth of his solid body a few scant inches away. His voice was low and intense, reminding John of the encounter with the dream entity. "And we're back to what I said when I came in here. You don't get to do this. You don't get a free pass by sending me off to Jennifer so that you don't have to deal with any feelings." Making a visible effort to calm himself, Rodney drew back and searched John's face. "You have to be honest with me."

The control John kept bound so tightly around himself began to fray. All his efforts were turning out to be useless against Rodney's relentless logic, and John knew that he was facing the loss of the friendship he'd chosen over love. Turning his head away, he forced out an apology. "I'm sorry, Rodney. I can't."

"I've heard that before, John. That's what you told me when you wouldn't let me sacrifice myself for Jeannie." Rodney's voice was soft again, puffs of his breath tickling the side of John's neck. "I know that if you hadn't convinced Wallace, you would have offered yourself to save me." John felt the light glide of a finger scraping along his stubbled jaw, and he closed his eyes with a shudder. "I would have fought that, John. I think I might have let my sister die if I'd had to make that choice."

"God...Rodney." John could barely force the words from his constricted throat. "No...."

"I don't want to listen to any more lies. Tell me you've never wanted me as anything but a friend, and I'll walk out of here, but it won't be to end up outside Jennifer's door. I'm not going to settle for second best. I'd rather be alone." Rodney backed up a step and John immediately missed the heat of his body, the resulting chill settling deep inside his bones. When he refused to answer, his face still stubbornly turned away from Rodney, he heard a sigh and the sound of slow footsteps retreating across the room. "Proximity effect. I can't help wondering how close I'd need to be and for how long...."

A rustle and scrape of leather followed Rodney's final words of defeat, and John knew his last chance was walking out his door. Rodney would still be his friend, but it might never be the same again. If he'd already lost that, then all his reasons for holding back meant nothing. In that split-second of realization, just as he heard the door slide open, he lunged toward Rodney as he willed the door to his quarters to close and lock.

Placing his trembling hands on slumped shoulders, John gently urged Rodney to turn and face him. "You're already there." Murmuring rough consolation for what had gone before, John pulled Rodney into his arms, their faces nearly touching. "You're close enough."

Lowering his head, John brushed his lips across Rodney's widening smile, and then pulled away to grin back at his more-than-friend. "You always have been."


End file.
